Taking full responsibility vs being a victim

Almost most people from time to time seek to avoid the pain of assuming responsibility for their own problems.

When I started working at the VA medical center, I became dedicated to my work and my own education than most of my fellow coworkers that I found myself working much longer hours than they are.

As a result, I would watch my fellow coworkers leave the lab at four-thirty each afternoon for their homes, while I was still working in the lab up to nine o’clock at night.

So I went to speak with my mentor, Dr. Gruber, a Chief of Staff at the VA Medical Center and explained the situation to him.

He listened to me to very intently and receptively.

When I was finished, after a moment of silence, he said to me, “Well, I can see that you do have a problem.”

“Thank you,” I said. “what do you think should be done about it?”

To this Dr. Gruber replied, “I told you, Oksana, you do have a problem.”

This is hardly the response I expected. “What do you think I ought to do about it?”

“Oksana,” Dr. Gruber replied, “I want you to listen. Listen closely and I will say it again. I agree with you. You do have a problem. Specifically, you have a problem with time. YOUR time. Not my time. You, Oksana, have a problem with your time.”

Here I gone to him humbly asking for just a little bit of help, a little bit of advice, and he wasn’t even willing to assume enough responsibility even to try to help me.

After a few weeks went by, I realized that he was right.

My time was my responsibility.

It was up to me alone to decide how I wanted to use and order my time.

If I wanted to invest my time more heavily than my fellow coworkers, then that was my choice, and the consequences of that choices were my responsibility.

The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.

By requesting Dr. Gruber to assume responsibility for the structure of my time, I was attempting to avoid the pain of working long hours, even though working long hours was dedicated to my work.

Whatever we seek to avoid the responsibility, we then give away our power to someone else.

What also made me realize now that most people who come to have us help them reverse their autoimmune disease, they have one common problem:

The sense of helplessness, the fear and inner conviction of being unable to cope and to change things.

They escape responsibility for their own problems and their lives.

Sooner or later, if they are to be healed, they must learn that the entirely of ones’ adult life is series of personal choices, decisions.

If they want to reverse their chronic illness, it is THEIR responsibility to do so.

If they can accept this totally, then they become free people.

If they do not accept, this they will forever feel themselves victims.