Forgiveness is a tricky concept and often gets muddled up with reconciliation.
When we forgive it’s an act of self-love: a way to free ourselves from negativity and reclaim our power. We don’t even need to communicate with the person we’re forgiving; yet they’ll probably feel the release on an energetic level.
Forgiving someone does not mean we are condoning their behavior or allowing it to continue.
Sometimes the most loving action is to set a boundary and stick to it.
It does however mean we’re forgiving the person, seeing past their pain and limitations to the divine being within. After all, we are all one.
Neither people nor your past need to have a hold over you.
This is not about condoning hurtful behavior, just not holding onto the thorns of it. “A Course of Miracles” describes forgiveness as removing a block from our awareness of love’s presence. It’s surprising how much energy is release when we forgive.
Equally important is forgiving yourself for past mistakes.
Even if you perceive you did something unforgiving remember that you, like everyone else, were just doing the best you could at the time.
If you can put aside some time for yourself where you’re not likely to be disturbed, try writing your relationship autobiography.
Start with your closet family, move on to your earliest friends, schoolmates and extended family.
Then expand into your network of adult relationships, friendships, and colleagues.
Perhaps your parent’s family comes next and maybe your children or grandchild, your ex who cheated on you.
Look at the interconnections between yourself and all these people. How did they come into your life? How do they make you feel? What are the strengths and weaknesses within your relationships? Where are the flashpoints, the harmonies? How many mirrors of your primary relationships with parents or guardians?
Changes are you won’t have gone through your life so far without hurting or being hurt by someone- it’s all part of our growth.
While you’re writing your autobiography, make a separate list of anyone who’s every hurt of disappointed you with a note of what they did or said. Include yourself if you feel yourself down.
Visualize sitting opposite each one of these people, having a conversation about how you feel. When you’ve expressed any negative feelings and are ready to let go of the emotion, (this might take some time) say you’re sorry and you love them and imagine releasing the whole situation heavenward.
When you reach the end of your list, write across it “I am willing to forgive and let go,” then shred or burn the list. Most people find that by this time they’re feeling considerably lighter and calmer.
With those closes to you it might take more than one exercise to complete the forgiveness but the payback will be worth it, as they’ll also feel the release on an energetic level. Roberto Assagioli once said “When joy is present, war is impossible.”
Think about this being true inside the body as well as outside.
Looking back I can now see that every situation I have been in has been necessary for my growth. It’s all perfect, though at the time I kicked right back. If you’d told me then that a difficult relationship was going to teach me things about myself I wasn’t prepare to face at the time, or that my health challenges would spurt me on to write this message, I would have given you a very choice response!
What are some people or situations you need to forgive and let go of?
There is no greater power in heaven or on earth than pure, unconditional love.
There is no greater power in heaven or on earth than pure, unconditional love. The nature of the God force, the unseen intelligence in all things, which causes the material world and is the center of both the spiritual and physical plane, is best described as pure, unconditional love. This God force is the oversoul to which we are always connected because we are localized extensions of that force.
I suggest you embark on an experiment in which you practice only unconditional love for several days. Vow to yourself that you will only allow unconditional loving thoughts to emanate from your consciousness. During this time, refuse to have judgmental or critical thoughts. In your quiet time, think only peace and love. In all of your relationships, think and act in only loving ways. Extend loving thoughts and energy wherever and whenever you encounter anyone or anything.
By pouring love into your immediate environment and practicing gentleness in all of your thoughts, words, and actions, your immediate circle of friends will begin responding in a whole new way. This act becomes expansive very quickly and you can radiate this love to your whole community. You become detached and loving toward all. You are not loving the hostile acts of others, but you are loving the spirit that is blocked in those who are harmful and unloving. When you can live this way and reject all thoughts and actions that are not of an unconditionally loving nature, you will experience the essence of your spirit and discover how to overcome limitations in your life.
What can you expect as you practice a few days of being total unconditional love? If all of your meditations are devoted to love, and if you pour love into every single situation and every single person you meet, and beyond that to everyone on the planet and to the infinity of the universe, you will feel yourself becoming a different person. You will sleep more soundly. You will feel at peace virtually all of the time. Your relationships will be more deeply spiritual. You will begin recognizing the “coincidences” of your life with greater regularity. Your thought forms of unconditional love will begin to produce what you desire without your even being aware of how it is happening.
THE COMPASSIONATE DECISION
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.
Forgiveness is a secret that is hidden in plain sight. It costs nothing and is worth millions. It is available to everyone and used by few. If you harness the power of forgiveness, you will be sought after and regarded highly. And not coincidentally, you will also be forgiven by others!
The Compassionate Decision changes the way most people view forgiveness.
A forgiving spirit allows you to let go of the past and embrace a compelling new future.
Harboring anger and resentment for others-regardless of whether or not “they deserve it” – poisons your soul and limits your growth.
When you embrace forgiveness through the Compassionate Decision, your level of personal success becomes boundless.
I couldn’t find a rule in any book I’ve ever read (including the Bible) that said in order for me to forgive somebody, the person who committed the offense had to ask for it or deserve it. And I couldn’t find anything that said, “Well, you can forgive a person as long as he or she hasn’t been doing the same stupid thing over and over again for twenty years.”
Everything I read and everything I felt within my soul said, “Forgive. Let it go,” I see now that by forgiving, I’m giving myself the ultimate gift, because forgiveness affects me much more than it affect another. It’s not even mandatory that the person I’m forgiving be aware of it. Forgiveness often means more to the forgiver than it does to the person being forgiven.
Sometimes when I’m talking about this, people say, “So…they’re just going to get away with it? I’m supposed to just forgive and forget?”
No. I am not suggesting that at all. Forgiveness is about you. Trust is about them. Forgiveness is about the past, trust is about the future. Do we forgive somebody who steal from us? Yes. Do we continue to do business with him? No.
Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. If we approach it through our emotions, out emotions inevitably drag us the other way. But if you will notice, emotions follow decisions. When we decide to forgive, our emotions follow along.
We tend to be our own worst critic, and judgment is a double-edge sword. In order to liberate yourself to begin to forgive others, you must first forgive yourself. All the things we said we were going to do but didn’t. the promises we made and didn’t keep, the things we shouldn’t have done but did anyway have piled up, and it’s just too much for one person to bear. The guilt has turned into resentment, the resentment has turned into anger, and the anger, in its various forms, is taking over our lives. When we disappoint ourselves, it sets in motion a continual cycle of disappointment. It’s true. It is impossible to fight an enemy living in our heads.
Forgive yourself. Begin anew. The simple act of forgiving yourself will change your life! You will be positioned to become the person you want to be when you finally ditch the weight of guilt and shame you’ve been piling on for years. Forgive yourself. Your family not mad at you. Your friends aren’t mad at you. I’m not mad at you. God’s not mad at you. YOU don’t need to be mad at you either. Let it go. Forgive yourself and begin again.
From this day forward, your history needs to stop controlling your destiny. Your life has just begun! Your forgiveness is value only when you give it away. By the simple act of forgiveness, you can release the demons of your past and create a new beginning for yourself.
Forgive the people who don’t ask for it. Forgive yourself. From now on, your act of forgiveness will free you form unproductive thoughts. Your bitterness, resentment, and anger will be gone. It’s time to begin again.
“I will greet each day with a forgiving spirit.”
THE APPRECIATION LETTER TO YOURSELF
The purpose of this letter is to appreciate and free yourself from whatever you’ve been harboring against yourself. Commit to releasing something that you don’t need to hold on to any longer.
“Dear Viktoriya [use your name not mine].
I’ve missed you. It has been long since I’ve seen the fun, happy person I know you to be.
So now I want to ask for your forgiveness about something. You will remember, it was five years ago….[describe the event]
In closing, I want to acknowledge that you are one of the most special people in the world. These are the things that I appreciate about you…[list them]
Thank you for magical moments that you create for so many years, the ripples that you create by the way you live reach many more that you could ever know…
Now it’s your turn. Draft an appreciation-forgiveness letter to yourself.
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“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” – Mark Twain